Out of nowhere, there he was
Flashback to a few years ago. I'm lying in bed. It's about 8:30 in the morning on a Monday. I'm supposed to be at work but I was in massive pain. It was the type of pain that is equal parts fear and physical pain. I feared moving and having more stabbing pain streak through my body like an electric shock. It had been a number of days now. Something was severely wrong with my shoulder and ribs on my left side. I didn't know what it was. I couldn't believe how badly it hurt. I just knew that I wanted out.
I laid there thinking about what brought me to this point. Was this all physical pain or was my emotional pay catching up with me as well. I'd been carrying around so much sadness about a number of things. I literally felt like I was trapped in the bottom of a pit with a broken heart and broken bones. Those broken bones were stabbing other parts of my body, maybe even my heart. Who was going to help me move, let alone climb out of the pit? I was literally alone. No one was home. I felt helpless. My breath was becoming more and more shallow for fear of moving too much.
It happened to be a business holiday and I knew that the chance of getting in to see a doctor was slim. This just added a layer of defeat to the situation. I needed help. I had to do something. Over the next few minutes, I slowly moved, inch by inch, to a seated position in my bead. With my phone, I started researching options on the internet. I called my chiropractor's office thinking maybe he was in the office. No one answered. Out of sheer desperation, I decided to just drive to his office. Maybe he was there and just wasn't answering the phone. Maybe there was an emergency number to call on the office front door. I was desperate.
I have no idea how, but I stood up, washed my face, brushed my teeth and threw some sweatpants on. I grabbed a baseball cap for my messy hair and got in my car. As I drove, my mind kept going to really dark places. I could feel the pain from those that lived in chronic pain. I couldn't understand how they wake up each day and do it over and over again? Chronic pain is simply a form of torture.
The way my body moved as my car ran over the concrete ramp pulling into the parking lot sent me right back into breathless shock. I already felt like I couldn't breathe. I just kept driving and pulled my car into the spot right in front of the office. I immediately saw that the lights were not on. No one was there. I rapidly started to slide back into the deep, dark pit. I felt like I was losing the battle. The tears were flowing and I just buried my face into the steering wheel. I was deeply sobbing at this point. I felt waves of frustration, love, hate, anger, sadness, regret and disappointment flowing through me. Is this it? Is my life over? Do I even want to be here anymore? How could this be my end already? I still have so much I want to do.
I lifted my body to slowly reach for the stack of napkins in the glove box. Off to my left out the window, I sensed something moving. Very carefully, I turned my head and saw someone walking. My sight was so blurry from the tears. After a few more blinks to clear some of the tears, I noticed a man walking toward my car. He was wearing a baseball cap and had a stack of papers under his arm. As he got closer, I could sense he had noticed me and was walking towards me as I sat in my car. Closer and closer he moved toward me. I should have been a bit nervous, but for some reason I wasn't. Now he was really close. I could see his face. Wait...what??? It was my chiropractor.
It was hard for me to believe it was him. He wasn't dressed in "doctor clothes''. I was trying to process what was going on but my mind was moving in slow motion. I rolled my window down. He could see that something was very wrong. He asked me what was going on. I explained the situation to him. I asked him if his office was open. He said no - he was just stopping by to pick up the mail. Then he placed his mail on the windshield of my car and helped me to get out of my car and stand up. It was so hard for me to walk that he literally worked on my body in the parking lot. I felt like I was a bowl of mush in his arms.
My doctor saved me that day. I definitely had dislocated a rib and then I made it worse when I tripped the day before. It took some time and pain meds to heal, but I fully recovered. That experience was so unsettling and it made me take a look at a number of important things in my life - emotional and physical.
How much of yourself do you give to others?
When is enough, enough? There is no award for who endures the most pain.
You have to put the oxygen mask on before you help anyone else.
What do you need to do to get on track with what is important to YOU?
This can't be all there is in life. What truly inspires you? Go do that.
These traumatic experiences can be seen and heard as crucially important messages in our lives. Do all you can to listen and not let them be excruciatingly painful and loud for nothing. If you think about it, I waited until I literally couldn't take another step before I heard the message and began to make some changes.
Listen to what your body and mind are telling you. Right now. LIke right this minute.
I'm here if you need help translating the message.