My ego took the wheel
Yesterday, I got my hair cut. I was super excited to be going to the salon because I finally found someone who really knows how to cut curly hair. It's an art, believe it or not and it's even better as she has curly hair herself. Upon arriving, we chatted for a bit and I shared how I did with the last cut and what I wanted to have her do this time. She jumped right in. Before I could blink, more hair was cut off than I expected. She then used the diffuser to dry it which made my curls tighter. I left loving the feel but questioning in my mind whether too much was cut.
That's when my ego took the wheel. It was early in the evening when I got home and I began to make dinner, eat, do the dishes, etc. I ran my fingers through my hair and I could feel that it was much shorter. I would catch a glance of myself in the mirror and wonder if it was too short. How could I not be able to truly tell? Throughout the night, I could feel my emotions churning through feeling angry, frustrated, disappointed and worried that I was going to look silly for months. Yes, I know this is ridiculous...my mind was on a roll. As I moved through the evening, I just stayed in this negative space. I woke up the next morning and looked in the mirror - major bed head now adding to my beauty - and the worry continued. I literally kept building and building on my negative story. My brain/ego was full steam ahead with the worst of the worst.
I try to catch myself when I get in this place of spiraling into the depths of the dark side. I ask myself - Is this a fear of change? What is the worse that could happen if she cut my hair shorter than I wanted? Am I really getting angry about this? Why am I so worried about how I look? Am I that vain? What is taking me so long to take a dang shower and do my hair to see how it really is?
Enough is enough...I got in the shower. Yep, my hair soaked up the water and I could definitely feel that it was much shorter. I was having flash backs to her saying she was cutting it here and there to let the curls have room to bounce up. "Maybe there is still hope and she was working her curly hair magic," I thought to myself. Once I got out of the shower, I dried my hair and realized that it was shorter but it looked fine. It's going to grow and I can talk to her next time about cutting a bit less. I shut the door to my ego and moved on. I had just spent 18 hours in ego-mania and I was done playing that game.
The ego is so interesting. As you can see from my 18-hour marathon, the ego can take the lead in a heartbeat. Here are some ways to take back the wheel:
Step One - Recognize when it's happening
Stepping outside of yourself for a moment and recognizing what is happening is key. You may realize the behavior/thinking needs to stop but the ego is relentless. So find ways to slow things down and talk yourself back into reality. You can try meditating, exercising or whatever you love doing to create calm. Get back into the space where you can think more clearly. This takes practice. So start small and work up to a place where you have experienced some successes and see if those ways of re-centering yourself work again. Keep moving forward. Take that dang shower instead of waiting 18 hours!!!
Step Two - Take a deep breath...or 10
Use what you have - let your breath be your focus. Inhale deeply and exhale long and smooth breaths out. Literally follow the air into your nostrils and deep into your belly. Then slowly watch it leave the body through the nostrils. This calming effect is key to moving your body from fight or flight (sympathetic nervous system) back to rest and relax (parasympathetic nervous system). Once you create that calm again within your body, you will have access to the part of your brain that can think clearly and create rational solutions.
Step Three - Tap into what works for you
Find those affirmations or quotes that speak to you. Grab your favorite book that captures your attention. The goal is to distract the ego so you have time to find your center once again.
It's now been several hours since I let go of that whirlwind thinking. Looking back, it all seems so silly. In that moment, though, my life was in "danger". That is how easy it is to be shifted off course. Find the tools that work best for you and have them at your fingertips. There really is no need to go on any ego trip.