Life off the treadmill
My son, Max, and I were at a favorite restaurant of ours earlier today. A Tuesday afternoon, we decided to have an early dinner after hiking a nearby trail in the mountains near Portland. The restaurant was just beginning to fill with people. You could see and hear the hum of the open kitchen where the chefs were intensely focused on the orders coming in while preparing sauces, grilling pineapple and thinly slicing leeks. The aromatic smells were wafting through the entire restaurant and we were having a hard time deciding what to order.
I could see out the large window above Max’s head, and I began to zone out as my eyes soaked up the brilliant blue sky that was filled with silver-edged cumulus clouds. Within a few minutes, I felt myself float above the two of us. Everything went quiet. I looked at my son, really looked at him. I noticed his sweet eyes and I had this incredibly deep feeling of gratitude that I was able to spend time like this with him.
Life was not like this just a few years ago.
Working in Corporate America, I spent the majority of my waking hours in front of my computer, often on the phone. Climbing the ladder, I was strangely comfortable running on this ridiculous, never-ending treadmill. In fact, decades sped by as I pretended to balance the pursuit of my personal goals, keeping up with intense expectations at work and being a wife and mother that was present, healthy and happy.
As my children began heading toward high school, I could feel that things were not going as well as I was pretending they were. Both my mental and physical health were heavily challenged by endless demands. I couldn’t ignore the signs any longer. However, let’s be real…what other path could there be? I just scheduled doctor appointments, met with a therapist and jumped right back on the treadmill. I thought - that’ll do.
Then something happened, both unusual and magical at the same time. When our world significantly slowed down in 2020, I jumped off the treadmill. It was the most glorious and terrifying thing I had ever done. I heard this little voice in the back of my head telling me to leap and that it would all work out. In one breath I thought, are you fucking crazy? In another breath I thought, now is your chance to really shine. Just do it! And so I did.
Just yesterday, I read about a former leader of mine who moved even higher up the ladder in Corporate America. I momentarily thought that maybe that was what I should have done. I wondered if she would have liked to go on a hike at 2pm on a Tuesday. I also remembered that her world offers her different opportunities, like frequently traveling globally and feeling highly accomplished. Maybe she is right where she needs and wants to be.
Having had a lot of time to think and meditate as I healed these last few years, I have come to believe that we are all here moving through our own personal journeys. At this point in time, I am here to hike on a Tuesday afternoon with Max and plan wellness retreats around the world with my daughter, Kate. I am free to run downstairs and hug my husband in between his work calls and share a chocolate peanut butter banana smoothie with him.
My wish for you is that you are able to honor wherever you are along your journey. May you appreciate whatever this life is giving and teaching you. If you’re looking for more or less of it, may you have the courage to start over and over. May you look up and see that you are surrounded by people who love and support you. If you ever need someone to pull you off the treadmill or cheer you on, just reach out. I am all ears and I would love to hear about your dreams.