Just start over
My friend's husband died on Friday. When I heard the news, my heart sank so deeply. I wanted to grab my friend and hug her but she lived far away. Her husband's death was not unexpected as he had been suffering from terminal cancer. That didn't change things though. The sadness in me just grew.
I sat down to type a heartfelt note to my friend. I knew that letting my feelings have space to move would be helpful. I began to let my thoughts flow. Writing to someone about the death of a loved one has always been something very difficult for me. There is such a fine line in being supportive and being selfish in assuming you "know how they feel." I carefully crafted each sentence. My words felt loving and I was happy with the way the note was turning out.
I made the mistake of not saving as I went along and...yep...I lost the entire document. I don't know what I did wrong but I couldn't recover it.
I had to start over. I was so frustrated! I felt the anger and frustration of every time this had happened before. Yes, I have lost numerous documents over the years and had to start from the beginning to recreate them...not a lot of them, but enough to remember the agony. I gave myself a few minutes to sit in my anger and then got back to writing. I remembered how each time this happened, I was able to create something equal to or better than the original version. As I wrote, I remembered much of what I had written earlier and added some thoughts that made it even better. The note turned out perfectly. I sent it to her and she connected with me after receiving it. She responded so positively to what I shared.
Starting over can feel incredibly frustrating - whether it's simply writing a letter or working through something big like moving to a new city or going through a divorce. Consider doing the following and adjust based on the complexity of what you are navigating:
Take time to let go
Be gentle with yourself
Accept the change
Take one step at a time
Check in on your attitude and adjust if necessary
Learn new skills
Create a support team
Use these strategies to build strength and capacity to live with more resilience. And don’t forget to give yourself a break sometimes.