You just have to let them fly
I was about 33 when I got my first tattoo. I don’t know how this even happened as I was adamant that people were ridiculous for putting something so permanent on their body. Then one day, I wanted one and went out and got it! I have no idea what came over me and why I was so clear about my intent, but I’ve never regretted it.
As a parent of two young children, I didn’t really think about how they would view my tattoo. It was on my wrist and very visible to them and anyone I was around. Whether or not they would get tattoos later in their lives didn’t really cross my mind…until it was later.
The rule was…you can’t get a tattoo until you’re 18. Why 18? The thought was that they would be more capable of making a rational, thought-through decision. One that wouldn’t stop them from succeeding in the world and being accepted.
You see, there’s this quiet conversation in our heads that is almost always taking place where we, as parents, worry about how our children will be safe, successful, loved, happy…the list goes on. All of our thoughts about our children use this ‘meter’. With each thought or decision, it happens so fast that you often aren’t even consciously aware that your next words or actions are being influenced by the ‘meter.’
This fierce, protective energy can certainly be good. But here’s where it gets challenging. The only way any of us learn - you included - is by making choices, good or bad, and learning from them. The process of making choices includes decision making, trusting your intuition, considering perspectives, understanding consequences, experiencing successes and recovering from mistakes.
As much as you think you know what’s best and can help your child avoid experiencing a negative outcome, you can’t and you shouldn’t. This, right here, is incredibly difficult and feels almost opposite from what you should be doing as a parent. However, the more you give a child space to evolve and explore, the better it is for them.
Now I realize that there can be a wide range of situations and I certainly don’t want you to ignore your instinct if the situation is dangerous or life-threatening. But whenever you can offer a space of freedom to fall…and succeed…do it. And be there to celebrate and support them on the other side.
So back to my children’s future that I didn’t consider when I got my tattoo. Flash forward many years and my son still isn’t interested in getting a tattoo. He’s captivated by many other things in this world. My daughter is a different story. She was sitting in the chair getting a tattoo on her 18th birthday. The ink was fascinating for her and she now has many tattoos. It was not easy, at first, for me to not fear for her future self. But I actively practiced being patient, supportive and celebrating the beauty of each new tattoo. I love that she feels confident expressing herself with this form of art. Add in a few piercings and she is still safe, successful, loved and happy. In fact, she radiates confidence, beauty and acceptance that others can see and feel.
Our world is rapidly evolving and what I learned and experienced when I was young is different than what my children are learning and experiencing today. I actively check in with myself to see if I’m letting my fears get in the way of my children experiencing all that they can in THEIR life…just like you wanted from your parents when you were young and maybe even now.
My wish for you - allow yourself to get to know who your child is. What do they like? What are their dreams? What music do they listen to? What food would they like to try? Where would they like to travel? What are they passionate about? What can they teach YOU?
But most importantly, how can you let them be free to fly?