Table for one, please
I finished my yoga practice late in the morning and as I laid there on my mat, I stared at the ceiling letting my thoughts flow. I started thinking about food as I hadn't eaten yet. Then I pondered all kinds of yummy food options. I asked my son, Max, if he wanted to go to the Bob's Red Mill Cafe with me. Yes...Bob's Red Mill was founded here in Portland (1978) and has an amazing cafe and bakery about 25 minutes from my house. Max decided he would go along. I jumped in the shower and in about 30 minutes I joyously bounced down the stairs to tell Max I was ready. He quickly shared that he was no longer hungry and decided not to go since he made a smoothie. I kept my mouth shut as numerous thoughts rolled to the tip of my tongue as if they were locked and loaded ready for launch...Are you crazy? Why would you make a smoothie if you knew we were going to lunch? How is a smoothie better than any of the food at the cafe? You're leaving me hanging and now I can't go or I have to go by myself. Proudly, I kept my mouth shut. I'm actually getting better at this mouth shut thing. I called my friend, Megan, who lives near the cafe. She loves to go there but sadly she was running out the door to an appointment. I was now faced with the decision to go by myself or not go at all.
I quickly began mapping out my time at the cafe...alone. I've been here before in my head. I almost talked myself out of going, but the smarter part of my brain kicked in and said, "hop in the car and GO!" So, I did.
I blasted the cold air and my favorite music as I made the trek to the cafe. Walking in, I began to think about all the great food options. Since it was after the lunch rush, it wasn't too busy. I ordered my food and walked outside to sit on the patio. I scanned the people. Yep...no one was alone. Just me. "I can do this," I thought to myself. I found a table under an enormous willow tree and settled in with my iced tea. My food arrived and it looked even better than I imagined, especially now that I was really hungry. As I ate, I stared off at these beautiful flowering butterfly bushes near my table. The smell of lilac wafted by me in waves. This little bird came by and looked up at me. I could swear it mouthed the words, "do you have any really tiny food you could share?" I quickly picked the smallest pieces of carrot to share and hoped they wouldn't kill it. Luckily, that wasn't the case. Then came the hornet. I usually do not like hornets at all, but I decided that he needed a chance and was looking for food. So, I let him eat some of the meat I wasn't eating...on the other side of the table.
I took another scan of the people on the patio and realized that they were all deep in conversation and thought with each other. My worry was all for nothing as no one was paying any attention to me. I felt totally fine and really enjoyed my time alone. I went wherever my thoughts went and my conversations with the bird and the hornet were lovely even if it was a bit hard to understand what they were saying. I got the gist though. Watching them do their thing up close was quite fascinating.
I will be doing more and more of this alone thing. We can't wait around for other people to be ready when we are. I've told my kids forever that one of the most important things they can do is EXPLORE. We gain so much by taking in experiences and we just can't wait around for others to do what brings us joy. I certainly will invite people to go along with me, but their decision isn't going to hinder my happiness or what I do along my path.
For those of you who think it will feel awkward or people will stare at you and judge you...let that sh$t go. Drop it like a hot potato and go share your lunch with a bird and hornet while you sniff lilac bushes!